Today was my 6 week postpartum checkup.
I got Mae ready, and got there on time (I’m starting to get a hang of going out with Mae!) saw the doctor, everything looks great, and all was good. We talked a bit about the delivery, then toward the end, he handed me a small box. Inside was a silver spoon from the hospital and the doctor congratulating me for the arrival of the baby.
When he congratulated me, something that was tied up came loose inside me. And some tears started to fall out of my eyes.
I know, I’m crazy. Everyone gets one, and the doctor delivers babies like every day… But I wasn’t expecting it and it was the moment I felt like my pregnancy was finally over. It was like receiving a diploma for the 9 months of a very special part of my life.
Some of you may know, but Mae’s delivery was a rough one. We had some complications, tried different things, and it ended up being a c-section in the end. The experience was extremely scary. The thought of the baby being in danger, the hours of pain, and all the unknown made it the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through.
Don’t get me wrong.. The baby was born healthy and beautiful, the recovery had been smooth, and I couldn’t be happier or more thankful. I know that people go through harder things or have trouble conceiving so I know I’m beyond blessed. But I wasn’t mentally prepared for a c-section and want to share why it was difficult for me. Maybe it’ll help someone that might go through it in the future since I wish I was a bit prepared mentally for it.
Having an almost perfect pregnancy with no problems , I didn’t expect my delivery to be anything but perfect. But if I were to have one, I thought c section wouldn’t be a big deal as long as the baby is here healthy.
I was wrong.
It was surprisingly a difficult thing to cope with. I felt like I didn’t get to achieve what I prepared for for 9 months, I didn’t get to experience the whole ” push! Push!” ordeal, and since I was so drugged up during the process, I don’t even remember much of the delivery or meeting my baby for the first time. And that’s the sweet moment you imagine and mentally prepare for your entire pregnancy. Instead for me, It was all a blur because of the anesthesia which was necessary, and when I was finally fully aware, a lot of the firsts have already happened. I don’t remember meeting or holding baby for the first time, breastfeeding for the first time, introducing the baby to the grandmas all for first time- all of which I was looking so forward to.
So when i received that silver spoon and realized this is my last checkup of this pregnancy, it hit me. I finally got th closure that I never got.
When the doctor saw the tears, he told me that having a c-section doesn’t mean that I failed. It’s weird- even if I understand that I didn’t fail and Mae is just perfect, I did feel like that at the beginning. So it was nice to hear that from him.
I was a bit embarrassed for the tears, but I was a little glad at the same time because I got to tell him that it was a difficult thing for me to go through, and that I’m so thankful to have a wonderful doctor that was extremely skilled and sensitive about everything we went through. It made the process as easy as it could be.
Mae is a huge blessing. She is growing so fast and developing so much everyday. She now laughs when we tickle her, and follows things with her eyes-both things she couldn’t do a few weeks ago. So fun to watch her grow! Anyway, congrats to me and my graduation to my first pregnancy! Now off to experience many many ‘firsts’ with Mae:)
And a very special thanks to Dr. Mulholland and the team of specialists and nurses at kadlec clinic at Richland, WA for this unforgettable experience!!